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LDS Marriage Counselor: Marriage After Baby

The birth of a child is a time for celebration; but for some North Texas couples, a visit from the stork can mean a visit to an LDS marriage counselor.  Even for parents who’ve longed for children for years, the reality of actually having them can be shocking because the reality is that everything changes after a baby is born.  As an LDS marriage counselor, I’ve counseled many couples who vowed that nothing in their lives would change when they had children and then their lives – and marriages – were turned upside down.  If you’re struggling to balance the demands of your marriage with the demands of a new baby, here are some tips for making it work:

✓ Find A Support System

Having a baby brings with it a lot of emotional and physical upheaval.  For that reason, both of you need at least one person in your lives, even if it’s just each other, who can give you a shoulder to cry on when the pressure of being a new parent gets to be unbearable.  Even if the “baby blues” aren’t getting to you, the person who’s supporting you can watch the baby while you shower or cook dinner or take a nap.   

✓ Ask For Help

Part of having a support system is having people you can turn to for help.  Asking for help with running errands or cleaning up around the house isn’t a sign of weakness; in fact, everyone needs help from time to time and friends and family will be more than happy to relieve some of your burden if you ask them.

✓ Schedule Some Alone Time

Just because you need a little time alone, that doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby.  Babies are a full-time job and, if you are the sole or main caregiver, that job can be extremely difficult.  A little time spent alone, taking a walk or soaking in the tub, can recharge your batteries and get you ready to tackle those midnight feedings and dirty diapers.

✓ Remember Date Night

When you feel comfortable leaving your baby with a friend or family member, remember to put date night with your spouse back on the schedule.  Sure you’ve spent time together with the baby but you need to spend time alone together to talk about something other than all things baby-related.  In addition to keeping your marriage interesting, letting someone you trust, like one of your parents or a sibling, take care of your baby will give that person a chance to bond with your little one.

✓ Save Some Affection For Your Spouse

Even if you’re not ready for date nights, you can still make sure to acknowledge your spouse in some way every day.  A compliment or an “I love you” at least once a day can go a long way toward keeping your spouse’s spirits up and making them feel loved.  After all, your significant other is going through the same physical and emotional exhaustion you are.

If you are struggling with keeping your life as parents and your life as a couple balanced, call an LDS marriage counselor, Jody VanDrimmelen at Insight Child & Family Counseling, at (972) 426-9500.  You can also visit to contact me and to find out more about my services.   

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