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LDS Marriage Counselor: Falling Out Of Love

Many of the people who seek the help of an LDS marriage counselor do so because they feel they have fallen out of love with their partners and want to understand why and how to fall back in love.  The truth is that falling in love is easy and it brings with it such overwhelming feelings of passion and longing that maintaining that level of emotion for an entire marriage is virtually impossible.  If your feelings for your partner are fading from love to apathy or even dislike, you’re not alone; the course of true love is a bumpy one for just about everyone.     

Falling In Love

It’s easy to get swept off your feet by an instant feeling of love for another person.  In fact, you don’t have to put much effort into falling in love; it just happens.  And it can bring with it a host of changes to your brain that can give you a feeling of euphoria or manic intensity that you may not be used to.  Falling in love often leads to changes in appetite, changes in sleep patterns and changes in energy levels.  You become focused on the object of your affection and you can’t wait until you can see them and talk to them again when you are separated.  Because your brain is operating on overdrive, everything you do together is exciting and thrilling – at least for the first two years of your relationship.  Generally, after that period of time, your feelings change into something a little less intense.

Falling Out Of Love

When the newness of a relationship wears off and the burning passion dies down to a flicker, couples can fall out of love.  Falling out of love is as easy as falling in love – it just requires that the two people involved don’t make any effort to either rekindle the spark between them or to redefine their relationship and their feelings.  Because it can be disappointing to discover that intense love doesn’t last, you both may think you’ve made the wrong choice in a partner and you may stop communicating, stop touching and stop spending any quality time together.  For married couples, this can mean not just feelings of disappointment but feelings of failure.    

Finding Mature Love

An LDS marriage counselor can help you to come to terms with the idea that feelings change in a marriage over time.  No matter what you see in movies or books, every relationship cools off eventually but if you truly like your partner and want to continue in your marriage, you can take steps to find and experience a mature love that happens over time – and with some effort.  Mature love can be even deeper and more meaningful than your first feelings of love; but you must work to achieve it.  Make time for your partner so that they know how important they are to you and make a conscious decision every day to be loving to him or her in some way.  Your efforts will pay off in increased intimacy that is vital for long-lasting, mature love.     

If your feelings for your partner aren’t the same as when you first fell in love and you’re worried that your marriage is in danger, get the help of the best LDS marriage counselor, Jody VanDrimmelen at Insight Child & Family Counseling.  Call (972) 426-9500 or visit to schedule an appointment for help.

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