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LDS Marriage Counselor: Do You Need Alone Time?

I have spent many years as an LDS marriage counselor and have helped couples through a variety of struggles that only close relationships like marriage can bring.  There is one particular issue that people who live together go through that counseling can help with and it’s probably one that you’ve dealt with in your marriage – that is the issue of finding alone time.  Though too much togetherness is rarely a marriage-ender, it can lead to tension that can make your marriage unpleasant at times.

✦ Understand Your Own Needs

Marriages and the perpetual togetherness they bring can be hard to adjust to, especially if you’re an introvert or you’re a person who has always valued your time away from others.  You must understand that just because you’re married, that doesn’t mean that your need for being by yourself goes away; and it also doesn’t mean that you don’t love your spouse.  Spending time alone or at least away from the everyday, outside world is a way to recharge and be ready for the challenges ahead.  Talk to your spouse and explain that you need time apart occasionally.  Your spouse may be feeling the same way and may appreciate your openness.  In fact, if both you and your spouse are under pressure from work and the daily grind, your alone time may even be spent alone together enjoying a movie or dinner at home.

✦ Understand Your Spouse’s Needs

You may be the extrovert in your relationship – the people person who hates being alone – which means you’ll have to be understanding of your spouse’s need for time alone if he or she doesn’t have the same temperament.  Even if you don’t have a conversation about too much togetherness, you can observe the way your spouse unwinds at the end of the day.  Does he or she go running or collapse in front of the television or disappear into the garage to tinker with an old car?  As long as these solitary activities don’t take up all of the time you could be spending together, it is probably a good idea for you to let your spouse have some space to do what they need to do to relax and recharge.  Remember though that it is possible to have too much alone time just as it is possible to have too much togetherness.  If either one gets to be a problem, call me to get the help of an LDS marriage counselor.     

There are many things that can cause conflict in a marriage and constant togetherness, either with each other or with the outside world, can be one of those things.  If you’re having trouble communicating your need for alone time to your spouse, call me, Jody VanDrimmelen, at Insight Child & Family Counseling at (972) 426-9500.  I am an LDS marriage counselor and I can help you to communicate your needs to your spouse in a healthy, safe environment.  To find out more about my practice, visit me at

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